|
2003-12-27 - 2:01 a.m. - this is not the reason but it is part of the cause not the root of all evil just a memory of what was we know you are out there... you know I know, even when I pretend to forget so well I do not consciously remember for moments long enough to lose hope and despair and lose myself in self-pathetic nightmare... I know you know I know even when you appear to forget as well... a matter of consciousness, being in touch with the knowledge within or disconnecting from the knowledge within our own consciousness... a choice we can identify or ignore... why remain disconnected, out of touch, silent... why sit and watch and gather information while sharing little or none... why want to know about me without letting me know you want to know, without letting me know anything about you... what is the point to not sharing... dear strangers, readers, others... the questions above do not reflect on you... to read these words as you would read a book, never having met the author and not giving much thought to who the author might be as a person or what goes on in the author's daily life or whether the author might want to know who you are as a person and what goes on in your daily life is not the puzzle I ponder at this moment... you are welcome to read in silence, to remain strangers and let your presense remain unknown... or you could share, comment... do as you wish... the questions are for those of you who knew me and said you wanted to share... those of you who shared offline line in the past... friends, lovers, family... those of you who have reached out to tell me you want to keep in touch and then do not follow through... why sit in silence... why the pretense... why remain amongst the dead or mostly dead in my life when you are not yet dead and still have the ability and express the desire to share?... this is not the reason for this diary, but it is a question that comes to mind as I begin just the same... for when we ignore expressed desire, when we hide in the shadows of someone's life, when we act as no more than a voyuer to someone who was once part of us, we leave the door open for life to flow in while nothing flows out... energy flows out in unfulfilled desire... leaving the writer alone and wondering why... why are we mostly dead for each other... and why are we here now?... I am here to let you know I am here... to keep the promise... to release the demons and dying breaths of hope and faith in your words... to grasp for the last gasps of believing in you... to give you something you can respond to, reach out for, a way to follow through on your expressed desire to continue sharing... when one neglects iit, the sharing you periodically say you want is mostly dead, for it takes two to bring sharing to life... this is an open door... your move. � � |
� |
leave a note send an email the cemetary lastest last gasp back up - go ahead living dead bury your dead |